...depRessed...
first of all.. let me wish the following ppl...
Hongren,
"HAPPY 23rd BIRTHDAY"
RunRun,
"HAPPY 22rd BIRTHDAY"
miss ya guys and gals... hope to meet up.. if ya're reading this now... kindly get back to me....
back to the topic..
i believed i'm getting depressed... i'm trying to run away from a lot of things and issues...
i know i shouldn't be... but there's juz too many things on my mind.. which i dun think i'll say it out... i may be laughing with you guys at this moment.. but the next.. my mood would hav changed... you ppl might think that it's PMS... but i can tell you that it is not... i know myself...
which is why i'm running away.... sometimes i pondered upon my thoughts a lot... i think a lot... i imagine a lot... you might think why... i do not know the exact answer... this blog is juz like something to release my stress... my anger.. but it does not always help... at least that's what i feel... i would think... can i trust these ppl? are they really my frenz? i'm always so poor.. why can't i afford the things i want... there are juz so many whys.. which no answers can be found...
thinking back... my cousin killed herself last year.. juz on the day b4 my deadline for my project... i didn't get to see her last face.. why ? becos i was busy rushing for my projects.... i chose my projects instead of see her last face... i feel so gulity... why? cos i was afraid.. to fail... i should have juz put off the work and see her last face... before she was cremated.... her death was a shock to me... becos i saw her back a few days before she killed herself... only a few days...
it was to be the last time i saw her alive... she was only a year older than me...
we grew up together... shared a lot of memories together...
on the surface.. i looked and acted strong... that's wat i believe i can do...to put it behind me... but i really hope to speak to her once again... juz once would do...i know it's beyond hope...
you might be thinking tat why am i talking about her now... it's juz a sudden thought...i feel sorry for her... if she had tried to talk to someone and had i tried talking to her more... give her a little of my time to listen to her... perhaps she would not have died... it's too late to speak now i know... i hope she can finally rest in peace now... and i blamed all her friends who had never cared for her... i know this becos.. she's always alone... no one there to go out with her.. simply no one...we kept her funeral simple and a private one... only relatives were there... till this day.. i simply refuse to accept the fact that she's no longer with me... i refused to...
perhaps to a lot of ppl, including my frenz from pri sch, sec sch, pre-uni or even now... they muz have felt that i'm a strong minded person, looked tough... acted tough...looked serious...looked stern.... am i really this sorta person...?! mayb yes mayb no... i dunno.... i know i'm fat... i know i'm always very straightforward... is that why? i mayb fat.. but does that deprived me of searching and finding my love....? i'm 23 years old... but looking back.. what hav i achieved ? you can make fun of my size.. speak bad of me...but let me tell you this.. i do have a limit for my patience... do not try to test me any longer...
i shall stop here...
Hongren,
"HAPPY 23rd BIRTHDAY"
RunRun,
"HAPPY 22rd BIRTHDAY"
miss ya guys and gals... hope to meet up.. if ya're reading this now... kindly get back to me....
back to the topic..
i believed i'm getting depressed... i'm trying to run away from a lot of things and issues...
i know i shouldn't be... but there's juz too many things on my mind.. which i dun think i'll say it out... i may be laughing with you guys at this moment.. but the next.. my mood would hav changed... you ppl might think that it's PMS... but i can tell you that it is not... i know myself...
which is why i'm running away.... sometimes i pondered upon my thoughts a lot... i think a lot... i imagine a lot... you might think why... i do not know the exact answer... this blog is juz like something to release my stress... my anger.. but it does not always help... at least that's what i feel... i would think... can i trust these ppl? are they really my frenz? i'm always so poor.. why can't i afford the things i want... there are juz so many whys.. which no answers can be found...
thinking back... my cousin killed herself last year.. juz on the day b4 my deadline for my project... i didn't get to see her last face.. why ? becos i was busy rushing for my projects.... i chose my projects instead of see her last face... i feel so gulity... why? cos i was afraid.. to fail... i should have juz put off the work and see her last face... before she was cremated.... her death was a shock to me... becos i saw her back a few days before she killed herself... only a few days...
it was to be the last time i saw her alive... she was only a year older than me...
we grew up together... shared a lot of memories together...
on the surface.. i looked and acted strong... that's wat i believe i can do...to put it behind me... but i really hope to speak to her once again... juz once would do...i know it's beyond hope...
you might be thinking tat why am i talking about her now... it's juz a sudden thought...i feel sorry for her... if she had tried to talk to someone and had i tried talking to her more... give her a little of my time to listen to her... perhaps she would not have died... it's too late to speak now i know... i hope she can finally rest in peace now... and i blamed all her friends who had never cared for her... i know this becos.. she's always alone... no one there to go out with her.. simply no one...we kept her funeral simple and a private one... only relatives were there... till this day.. i simply refuse to accept the fact that she's no longer with me... i refused to...
perhaps to a lot of ppl, including my frenz from pri sch, sec sch, pre-uni or even now... they muz have felt that i'm a strong minded person, looked tough... acted tough...looked serious...looked stern.... am i really this sorta person...?! mayb yes mayb no... i dunno.... i know i'm fat... i know i'm always very straightforward... is that why? i mayb fat.. but does that deprived me of searching and finding my love....? i'm 23 years old... but looking back.. what hav i achieved ? you can make fun of my size.. speak bad of me...but let me tell you this.. i do have a limit for my patience... do not try to test me any longer...
i shall stop here...
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