...half hearted...

This is how i feel..
for now
and i'm not naming any names here

i'm feeling rather half hearted here @ work

i'm feeling in such a way that i feel rather unwanted...

heard that big boss is getting HR to call a past temp (whom i've worked before)

to come back to work...

she shld most likely to be working with my side...

and best of all, i think if she's back, she is sure to become my superior...

why?

because she has a f**king degree that's why!
i do not really get along with her as well as i would have thought it would be...
she's far too serious... everything gotta be in order...
or shld i say.. she doesn't really know how to act according to circumtances....
haiz...

maybe you would be saying i'm feeling rather jealous
because, i've worked here way longer than her...
and they have no intention of converting me to a permanent staff... even until now..
and i've been working here for f**king close to 9 freaking months...
and why are they not converting me?
maybe they find my work to be shit
maybe it's all because i dunno how to suck up to them
maybe it's because i do not have a f**king degree
maybe they find that they can use me more as a temp rather than a perm...
and i'm not worth hiring to be a perm...

2 of my bosses are leaving.. and i've not really tell anyone.. well.. except my mum...
which will leave me facing my bosses's boss - let's just call her the iron lady now
she's treating me ok for now.. maybe it's because i dun really interact with her much...
and i'm working more with my bosses..
with one of them going in October, and the other one maybe even on a closer date...
my future is bleak...
hopeless...
or should i say... practically no hope at all...

i am feeling rather pissed off, angry
and i think i know what should be my very next step
i'm going to look for a new job
find a company who will value my skills, my service
who will not treat me like dirt (like my previous one)
sometimes i wonder why the f**k i took up art & design...

WTF
WTH

Life is fair?
MY FOOT!
MY ASS!
LIKE REAL!

Probably my friends would say i'm taking things too seriously
perhaps i am...
i'm turning 27 soon...
and still no dream job
no perm job (i quit the perm more than 1 year ago)

here i am...
working as a temp...
for close to 9 months...
and i do not have the feeling that they would want me to convert to a perm
no such feeling at all

i'm in fact...
feeling like crap
feel that i'm being treated like dirt
like shit
unwanted...

to be honest...
why the f**K am i still working here?

probably..
because i like the fact that i dun have to work on saturdays
i can get off work on time most of the time
location is ok
i got direct bus

but somehow...
i feel that these attractions do not attract me anymore..

i used to think...
what if i get to convert?
i can have the huge bonus that they get...
i can bring my mum overseas for holiday with that bonus...

now...
i'm feeling agitated, restless, hopeless about the job... and my so-called contract is till end of the year...
but so?
if they have no wish to convert me...
perhaps it's time for me to leave

yes...
this is a complain i'm writing in my own blog
and yes i sometimes do feel that... maybe it's a good thing that i'm a temp?

the turnover rate in my office is too high...
it's getting pretty ridiculous

F**K